Dear Father Christmas…From Everyone Else

Mummy says that we’re not the only ones who get Christmas presents. So these are some things other people who are not Lillie might like…

For Babies…

My Wondercube
£14.99
While Mummy was busy ‘entertaining’ by the drinks table, some other parents reported that ‘Ted LOVED the Wondercube’. It’s safe, educational, fair trade and good for the environment…unlike Ted himself who is definitely none of these things. Things Mummy likes about it? It was invented by a Mummy all on her clever own and not only will it cost next to nothing to post to lucky nephews, nieces and friends but there’s loads of different fillings for fab follow-up gifts too.

Inch Blue Ballet Shoes
£17
Mummy wanted me to wear these and I wanted to wear them too. But I’m too big. So Mae gets to try them instead and I am Not Happy At All. Babies get all the good shoes. Mummy says these are the most gorgeousest shoes she’s seen, mainly because they’ve got ribbons like real ballerinas and a little rose like those ones on pressies. They’re also really, really soft. I don’t know what’s good about that because Mummy says you need hard shoes for the park.

Save Ferris T Shirt
£9.99
I don’t know what Save Ferris is but Mummy seems to think it’s something very funny. She also says that Big Grandwa will love this tshirt because Save Ferris is one of his favourites. I don’t know about that, I thought ‘choccie please’ was his favourite. I think she should have got a tshirt made for Ted with my own thing called a slogan on it. I think a slogan like ‘Ted Smells’ or ‘Ted’s Done Another Poo In His Nappy Mummy’ would have been better. You can put whatever you want on the tshirts at the Save Ferris shop.

I ♥ Mama Gift Set
£19.99
Babies are quite boring. They don’t do much except eating and crying and sleeping. They don’t even do playing so you can’t get them games for Christmas, or dollies. Mummy says this is a good present for a Daddy to get for a baby because babies do ♥ mummies but mummies can’t buy it for babies because that would be something called ‘pee-sum-chew-ers’.

Coco The Monkey Soft Toy
£15
Daddy thought this monkey was a bear until Mummy pointed out that actually bears have short tails and monkeys have long tails FENCE (I think she said fence) this was a monkey. She also said that she didn’t normally like stuff that was ‘on greetings cards’ (she’s funny about cards full stop, Daddy says its a reaction to Nanna sending cards to congratulate you on having a…well, a naughty word I’m not allowed to say) but she liked this one because it was really, really soft and cuddly. Daddy likes it because it has a blue nose like him. This is something to do with football.

Flexibath
£34.95
I like bathtimes but only with bubbles and really lots of water. So this bath would be useless for me because I am BIG and THREE. But Mummy and Daddy and Jasmine’s Mummy and Daddy think it’s brilliant. They say they wish they’d had one when me and Ted and Jasmine were babies. I think Jasmine’s Mummy and Daddy might like one for their new baby which is still in a tummy. They all like it because it would be really good for camping and caravans and also because bathrooms are sometimes small. Daddy says it’s ‘jeans-e-us’, I think this is like when I get myself dressed.

For Grandparents…

ALSO Home Red Lacquer Tilt Bowls
£40
I don’t really understand why these bowls are a good idea. They’re wonky which would be very bad for soup and porridge. But Mummy says that’s ‘just the design’. Apparently Grandwa-Grandwa would like them because they’re red and shiny but it depends on how good they are whether they would get a whole set or just one little one. Father Christmas will have to see.

Farrington’s Oils
from £2.50
These are very smashy so Ted and I are allowed to ‘Look But Not Touch’, which is not our favourite rule. But we are allowed to taste stuff and we like roast potatoes, which Mummy says are very good because of the special oil and we like eggy sandwiches with mayonnaise in them. Nana and Gramps like hampers a lot so we think they’ll like some of these nice bottles of stuff in a basket wrapped up in some pretty paper…if Mummy doesn’t use all the oily stuff first.

Santa’s Little Helper Sign
£10
Grandparents are definitely in charge of helping Santa. Mummy and Daddy don’t always have time you see, even though Daddy told me that he is in charge of reporting to Santa about all the boys and girls in Market Harborough. So this sign is a good one for me to give to my grandparents just so they know what their jobs are. Mummy says it’s ‘ideal for the chubby cheek home’, she likes chubby cheek in her home which must be why we have to keep Ted.

For Big Girls and Boys…

Urbanz Rockstar Speaker
£17.99
Jasmine’s and Daisy’s Daddy tried this out for me and said it made lots and lots of noise for its size. Mummy and Daddy think this will make it good for big boys and girls. I don’t get that because they keep telling me that big girls are very quiet. So they must be telling fibs about something. It’s shaped like a star. I like stars and I like music so I like this.

Chococo Christmas Trees
£9.95
Someone opened one of the Chococo trees without Mummy at our party and she got a bit upset. Especially because that person complained that the chocolate was ‘a bit thick in the middle’. She ate all of the other one with Luke’s and Elliott’s Mummies though, it was pink and glittery and you could EAT THE GLITTER. Daisy’s Daddy wrote us a special note for Chococo, it said ‘it’s choc choc. It’s great.’

Young & Pure Fabulous Facial Care Kit
£20
Just like Ted’s bottom, teenagers’ faces need to have special stuff on them because they’re sensitive. This is really special stuff which smells nice and comes in a nice bag with a heart on it which is what all presents should come on. Mummy says it’s probably good for ’skin ravaged by having children’. I don’t know what this means but it might have something to do with her keeping the bottles in her bathroom now.

White Rabbit Brooch by The Black Rabbit
£15
This is a rabbit badge for big girls and Mummy is a big girl which is probably why she keeps stroking it and saying ‘it’s so cuuuute’. But she says big girls who are bigger than me and smaller than her will really like this because nobody else will have it (I don’t know about that because me and Eva ALWAYS like to have the same exactly) and because it’s a bit special. Daddy sometimes says that Ted is a bit special.

Brume Butterflies Wall Stickers
£15
I’m not very happy about this. Mummy and Daddy say that stickers are not for walls. So why are big girls allowed these nice big butterfly stickers on their walls? That’s all I’m saying until I’m allowed butterfly stickers on my wall.

Kitsune Fox Tshirt
£45
As Daddy will tell you, boys like tshirts as presents and to wear. But this one is pink and has ears on it so I don’t think Ted would like it. Not the ears, the pink. Mummy says ‘Kitsune’ means fox in Japanese and that bigger boys like pink tshirts. In case they don’t you can have it in white too. But it still has got ears on it. Fox ears.

Lillie x