Mummy Says: Float Away The Stress!

£40 per session (buy two sessions, get one free) at Floatworks, London SE1

“A floatation tank? But won’t you find it a bit claustrophobic and scary?” asked a well-meaning but demented friend.

I mean, pur-leeeeeze. I have a toddler, a derelict house to renovate and a job.

To quote (possibly slightly inaccurately) Renee Zellweger’s character in Jerry Maguire, ‘you had me on the offer of an hour in a darkened pod in a locked room where nobody could get in to ask for cups of tea, money, figures for the annual report, raisins or the potty’.

So, at the appointed day and hour, I skipped off to Floatworks, near London Bridge, with a light heart.
Floatworks is tucked down a side street, behind a very plain door and you need to be buzzed in, so it’s all agreeably Secret Squirrel.

The reception area is basic but comfortable, and features cubby-holes for your shoes (which are replaced with a pair of shower shoes for the duration).

An extremely friendly staff member (whose name I never caught I’m afraid – if you’re reading this, sorry and thanks again) showed me to my room, which contained a shower, a chair and the all-important tank. She explained how the tank works: it contains heavily salted water in which you can float without effort. The actual controls are very basic - essentially, a lid you can pull down if you feel like it, a light that can be turned on and off as you wish, and an alarm bell if it turns out you’re enjoying it rather less than expected.

I was given careful instructions on showering thoroughly first, covering any cuts or grazes with Vaseline (provided), putting in ear-plugs (also provided), the best float positions and even that I’d probably want to condition my hair twice afterwards due to the effects of the salt (true).

So, one shower and two earplugs later, I climbed into my tank. Two minutes after that, I was floating in the dark with the lid shut.

Ten minutes of introductory soothing noises followed, which seemed to take quite a long time – certainly long enough that I was beginning to fret slightly about being bored for the rest of the hour.
And then, by some magic I cannot quite explain, my usual frenetic mental list-making stopped, all thought processes slowed to a crawl, and I just… drifted. Apparently five but actually fifty minutes later, the sound came back on to signify the end of the session. I could have wept.

A thorough shower and hairdry later (hairdryers, moisturiser etc provided but I wish I’d thought to bring my own hair stuff – keep it in mind), I wandered out of the door in a blissed out state and headed home rejuvenated.

Clinically proven to reduce stress - even the extreme toddler-induced kind - these things should be issued as standard to all parents of small children. I will be back.

Luke’s Mummy x

To see a video about floatation, click here